seeing light

When light hits a really great nickel-sized diamond like this one in the center of a maharaja’s chest necklace, the light splits apart into its colors as this image shows so well.  And we too are infused with a light from God which, when it hits us, commingles with the same light which emerges from within us and refracts into colors which we call “longings.”  Our desire for that which we do not have is built into us by a God whose desire for us connects with the desire we have for God and which was programed into us in our creation.  So our longings are natural and need to be listened to.  And yet they will never fully be satisfied until we are returned to God without the barriers of flesh which now weigh on us like suits of armor.

Listening to our longings only happens when we get to know ourselves. I marvel at how many people do not get to know themselves.  It takes time.  It takes silence.  It takes a certain amount of peacefulness to simply sit with one’s own psyche and look around within it without judgement or scolding and aware that God is with you in the wandering.

Too often we are hyper-vigilant — looking around ourselves asking questions by the second and subconsciously…”How do they perceive me?”  or “Am I impressive?” or “Have I done enough?” or “Am I safe?”  We become the center of our world and our narcissism inflates such that we so look inward with adoration or scorn that we never look around while looking inward.

Living that balance between self-care and self-obsession is a hard line to walk.  But when we can get to know ourselves by spending silent, kindly, observing time within ourselves helps us to notice our longings and live out of an authenticity which releases the light of God within us and reflecting onto us in such a way that the colors split into rays which fuel an abundant life rather than just a lived one.

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