This Zen circle in the middle of a thought-page is a good starting point for the work preceding and following meditation (sitting). Zen meditation holds the space behind the apex which forms over the dualities with which we Westerners struggle.
This paper-work I do when on a break for tea and a small snack… some nuts, some candied oranges and a good cup of tea. An apex is then drawn such that the point of the apex is in the center of the Zen circle which for me, represents the holding-space of the Holy Spirit. Beneath the circle and at the ends of the two apex lines are listed the dualities with which I am struggling that day. God and bad. Right and wrong. Sin and redemption. The Church had trained me to see my insides as good and bad or as redeemed and sinful or as right and wrong. But I am slowly learning from able teachers of the interiors life, that the parts inside me are all of value – like a corporation with many employees. My inner CEO and my inner Director of Insecurity. My inner CEO and my inner Director of Fear. My inner CEO and my Inner Director of Anger. My inner CEO and my inner Director of Friendship. My Inner CEO and my Comptroller. The list of my inner company employees is a long one. How they are paid, where their offices are, whether or not they have their title on their door, whether or not they are acknowledged or rejected – these things matter. The conversation needs to be hosted and the Holy Spirit can do that with us on the Zen mat or in our meditation corner.
Western thought and even western religious structures and practice, theology and spirituality — these are what I was raised within; and I have always wondered why the firm dualistic methodology is getting in the way of transcending my suffering. What I am learning is that when I can step outside myself and enter into conversation with the other parts of my self, I find that the dualism with which I have been dealing hosting the conversation (good and bad, right and wrong, engaged and rejected) is not serving me well. Some people call this work “Big Mind” and others call it “Zen practice” and others have a myriad of other names for the illusion of time and space and the practice of entering into a space which does not demonize a whole host of parts of myself which I have decided were “wrong” when in fact, the “employees of my psychic company” all have their roles and their values. And in fact, they “act out” or “get sneaky” when they are repressed or rejected in dualistic thought and its extensions in spiritual practice.
Blessed are You, God of the Cosmos.
Gather my corporate community in the fire of your love.
Host this community at the table of peace
rejecting none of these Dear Ones.
Help me to let go of the many attachments
which limit my experience of the wholeness,
inherent goodness and value of everything.
Help me to step out and see myself
with some distance, some separation.
Help me to end my suffering by
gathering rather than charging;
by collecting rather than dividing;
by hosting rather than sequestering.
So help me to set my boundaries
such that I can set my “yes” and my “no.”
Rather than suppressing anger and rage,
let me to welcome them to the table
of my wholeness so that they do their good
work, rather than bulge,
break and blow in response to repression.
Be my Druid.
Be my Zen Master.
Be my Comforter
but also the host of
the Great Conversation
growing inside and around me.
Speak to my parts without
demonizing any of them.
Be not an Inquisition for
we have had more than enough of that.
Awaken me in love of all my parts, you who are Awake.
Love me, sure.
But also awaken me.